The Most Important Change

It is so hot! At 9pm You’d think It’ll be a little bit colder. I’m a bum right now so I’m just in my room doing nothing that could change the world. I resigned from my job as a tech rep for AT&T 2 weeks ago coz my boss is driving me crazy. It’s so uncomfortable for me to not do anything the whole day. I know I’m not gonna enjoy it if this continues for a couple of months more. Last week I wasn’t really feeling jobless because my husband was here and I wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else but with him.When you’re not doing anything but bum around you’d realized the changes that’s happening not only in your life but in other people’s lives too. To me, it’s like a domino effect. You do one thing, it results to another. I’m remembering how my life started to drastically change. I’m not even exaggerating when I say the change is “drastic”. For 24 years I lived in one place under the same roof with the same people around me. There are only five people who knows me inside out; thats my parents, my sister and my two brothers. They all know my flaws and strengths. They helped me be the person that I have become. I am not the best daughter, sister or brother anyone could ever have but they make me feel that they’re lucky to have me in their lives. I have done so many things that make people wanna leave me. People have judged me only because they had failed expectations. I have let my family down so many times but they have this unconditional love for me. They accept me for who I am. I realize all these. The sad part is, Im not doing anything about it. I’m the same. But one thing is true, I have great respect and love for them, and in my own little way I try to help them with anything they need help with.

David came into my life in a very unconventional way. This, in my life, is the phase I call The Revolutionary Era (keep in mind, “drastic change”). First of all, because I never imagined I will marry someone I met online. I always meet guys the traditional way. The guys I meet locally are pretty shallow. The relationship itself is superficial. It’s either I end the relationship or they do (in so many different styles and ways). Sometimes I make guys want to break up with me. I do silly things that will turn them off, never failed. The guy leaves me for another girl. I leave him for another guy. I can do it in seconds, one small thing, I can throw people out. I feel like it’s innate in me, it’s automatic. Im sure guys can do that easily. It’s not pretty. Im not proud of it. David knows this. That’s why I always tell him and I always wonder up until now, I must have done something right to deserve a guy like him. I mean he’s not perfect, he has his own flaws, ofcourse but I know for sure that he is my match.

If there’s one word anyone could describe me as is stubborn. I’m a full-blooded bull. I used to always get what I want when I want it. It’s my way or the highway. People, including my friends, get intimidated by me because I always project a “follow-me” behavior. Again, don’t get me wrong, I’m not proud of it. Everyone, except ofcourse my nuclear family, who loves me no matter what, and David. David is the cause of the most important changes in my life. Although he didnt do anything to make it happen. He’s just him. Knowing him made me realize that I cannot always get what I want. If I start saying “Baby, it’s my way or the highway!”, oh without even blinking he’s gonna say “Start your car then!” Get the picture? If he was someone else, I tell you, all hell will break loose. It is so hard to not be in my comfort standard. It was so hard for me to adjust to that. I have the highest level of bull-headedness. The thought of adjusting because of someone, drives me crazy. But hey, Im not an evil person. Im not greedy. I still have a conscience. I dont kill people. I just have a flaw. Im not trying to sell myself but Ive done great deeds too. I’m just trying to make a point. That for 23 years I have this attidute that alot of people didn’t like about me. I am willing to change. I am inspired to change. I always tell David, and this is true, He inspired me to be a better person. I think it’s because I have great love and respect for him. Not that I dont have great love and respect for my family. I love them so much. I just always know that no matter what I do, with their kind of personality, they will still love me.

I’m still stubborn. I still have issues. Last week when David was here, he saw a different side of me. The ugly side. How I see mistakes in people and I just try and throw them out of my life. David did something that I didnt like and I just started acting like a baby. It was almost automatic. David can’t believe I could ever do that. He was like ” you can do it so easily”. I felt like he was drifting away. Just like how guys drift away when I start doing things purposely to turn them off. But I realized I love this person. Why am I doing this to a person who respects me, who wants to be with me for the rest of his life. Why do I feel like I’m 15 years old again and I can play mind games with people? That’s not fair especially to him travelling 20 hours accross the planet just to see me and be with me.  He was disgusted. Didn’t even want to be in the same room I was in. I went to him. Im too proud that It was so hard for me to accept I was wrong. It felt like Im lifting a 10-wheeler truck to even say Im sorry. The only thing that makes me do that is the fact that I love him. I said things that I dont even know if he remembers but I know to myself that I remember telling him that I want to be better and I need his help and support. That for so many years Ive been a proud and stubborn person and I can’t change just by a snap of a finger. I told him I have changed alot ever since I met him. I’ve been doing a great job trying to be better. I want to change not for him or anyone else but for myself and I only have to think of him and I know it’s possible.

I did and did not do so many things eversince i met David… I’ve experience alot of things for the first time (check out Funny First Times). I am really thankful that God is there to help me change for the better.  I feel really blessed for having David in my life.

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